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Attachment Disorders Part I The
enemy within The other students, paralyzed with horror, watched silently as Scott brushed ashes from his sleeve. On the way back to his seat, Scott spit on one of his classmates and "accidentally" bumped into another. As if nothing unusual had happened, Scott settled himself at his desk. Scott is an unattached child. Healthy attachments begin in early infancy. The infant experiences pain, hunger, or discomfort and expresses rage by crying. The infant's primary caregiver (usually the mother) responds to the infant's rage reaction with eye contact, touch, motion, or food. The infant learns to trust his caregiver for comfort and the bonding process begins. This bonding cycle is repeated countless times during the infant's first year of life. Uninterrupted repetition of the cycle results in a strong trust bond between infant and caregiver. Attachment disorders result when the infant's needs are not gratified. Kathy Miller, founder and president of The Attachment Network in Oklahoma, explains, "When an infant expresses rage and feels no relief for his need, he learns that to survive this world, he must control it. These children actually believe that if they release control to anyone else that they will die." Unattached children are difficult to recognize. They deceive their elders with superficial charm while they scrutinize the environment. In school, as a teacher begins to establish a closer relationship to an unattached child, the negative behavior begins. The closer the teacher tries to get, the more the child rebels. Scott's behavioral problems and lack of socialization skills were apparent when he entered kindergarten. Other children complained about his aggressive behavior and he became known as the playground bully. Each year, a new teacher tried to give him the opportunity for a fresh start. "At first Scott smiled and seemed
anxious to please. I began to wonder if his previous teachers had
unintentionally provoked his negative behavior," admitted his third
grade teacher. "Six weeks later, Scott was disruptive, impulsive,
destructive. His mother refused to come to conferences and his father accused
me of picking on his son." Paul and Debbie were social workers who worked with abused children when they adopted severely abused twins. Almost immediately they knew that something was seriously wrong with one of their children. Their training and experience had not prepared them to parent a six-year-old who went into rages, knocked holes in the wall, overturned furniture, set fires, and planned the details of their murder. They sought help from therapists and doctors, who suggested that the child's behavioral problems were so serious that the parents should consider giving up the child. Paul and Debbie ignored this advice and finally found a doctor who remembered hearing something about attachment disorders. He referred them to the Attachment Center at Evergreen, Colorado. The child was placed in therapy and the parents trained to help. "Parenting skills which we thought were wise were totally wrong for this child," Paul explained. Paul and Debbie have no idea why only one of their twins is unattached. They do know that the infancy of both twins was similar to that of many other unattached children. Debbie said, "By the time they were four years old, they had been shuffled back and forth between an abusive biological family and eight different foster homes." Any child who experiences great trauma, especially during the first eighteen months of life, is at high risk of developing an attachment disorder. Attachment problems can surface if an infant is separated from his primary caregiver due to foster care, divorce, death, illness or hospitalization. Abuse, neglect, teenage mothers with poor parenting skills, or emotionally absent mothers with chronic maternal depression, contribute to development of the disorder. Symptoms of unattached children include the following: Superficially charming Some symptoms may be seen
in many children, but unattached children display all or most of them.
Traditional therapy methods will not work for these children. Severely
unattached children, like Scott, must be referred to professionals who are
knowledgeable about correct treatment of attachment disorders. The earlier
the child is referred, the better the prognosis. Professionals can help these
children battle the enemy within themselves.
Attachment Disorders Part II Teaching
teachers Unattached children display startling and bizarre behavior and seem to lack conscience for their actions. They are guided only by what they want at the moment. They have no regard for how their behavior impacts another human being. Coping with the behavior of an unattached child in the classroom is one of the most demanding challenges teachers face. Unattached children are manipulative and self-centered. They have extreme self-control difficulties. However, they attempt to control everyone around them. Discipline techniques may seem awkward to teachers who have never experienced the controlling behavior of a severely unattached child. Love and praise are simply not sufficient for these children. Unattached children learn trust only when they begin to give up control. The following tips for teachers are a collection of ideas from parents, teachers, and experienced professionals in the field: 1. Establish Eye Contact 2. Establish Who Is Boss 3. Recognize The Child's Subtle
Attempts To Control 4. Win All Control Battles 5. Recognize Good And Poor Decisions
6. Allow The Child To Accept
Responsibility 7. Be Consistent 8. Remain Calm 9. Document Interactions And
Observations Of The Child 10. Request Help Educators must be willing to realize that some children should not remain in a regular classroom setting. In their book, High Risk: Children Without A Conscience, Dr. Ken Magi and Carole A. McKelvey say, "No teacher should be asked to work with severely unattached children who are so out of control that they are a danger to themselves and others. These children need to be referred for therapy." "Many professionals who work with children are still not aware of attachment disorders," says Kathy Miller, former president of The Attachment Network. When Miller teaches educators about attachment disorders in staff development workshops, she stresses that children who are referred for therapy must be sent to professionals who are knowledgeable about correct treatment of the disorder. "Traditional therapy is not successful with these children," she says. The Attachment Network, a nonprofit organization of concerned parents and professionals who assist families with unattached children, was incorporated in the State of Oklahoma in September, 1989. Miller explains, "One of the goals of The Attachment Network is to provide education about attachment disorders and unattached children to families, mental health professionals, and educators." For additional information about attachment disorders, write or call: The Attachment Network
Attachment Disorders Part III Dear
Mom Mom, I already have a special relationship with you. Before I was born, I knew the warmth of your body, the rhythm of your heartbeat and the sound of your voice. Now a stronger bond with you will help me learn to trust others for physical and emotional comfort. When you see my sweet little face, can you imagine that later I could develop severe behavior problems or even commit serious crimes? Probably not! But if I fail to bond now I could develop an attachment disorder and have difficulty with human relationships when I become and adult. Failure to bond with my parent(s) places me at high risk for growing into a manipulative, controlling, "unattached child" without a conscience and with extreme self-control problems. We don't have any time to waste! It's important that I develop strong emotional attachments with my primary caregiver within the first eighteen months of my life. I could develop an attachment disorder if I experience abuse, neglect, or poor parenting skills. I need to trust you for comfort and won't understand if you are not aware that I am in pain or why you cannot always stop my pain. Attachment problems could arise if our bonding cycle is interrupted due to illness, hospitalization, divorce, or death. It can be dangerous for me to experience numerous changes in childcare, or an "emotionally absent" mother due to chronic maternal depression, drug abuse, or a severe psychiatric disorder. Gee, Mom, that's a lot of responsibility for you, but don't get disouraged. Healthy bonding is simple. My part is to cry when I'm hungry, uncomfortable, or in pain. Every time I cry, I have a need. It may be a physical or an emotional need, but it is a need. Your part is to soothe me with eye-contact, touch, motion, or food so I'll learn to trust you. If my parents want me to understand that I can trust them, they must respond each time I cry. Some people will say that you are spoiling me. Please don't listen! Experts agree that I cannot be spoiled during my first two years of life. Every time you comfort me when I cry, I'll learn to trust you and our bond will grow stronger. When you respond to my cries over and over without interruption, I will learn that my enviroment is safe. How will you know if I am forming healthy attachments? You'll recognize when I cry and you meet my needs, that I can be soothed. dI'll gradually stop crying. I will enjoy close contact, cuddling and playing. I'll smile, chortle, giggle and seem happy. My eyes will seek faces, especially yours, Mom, and I'll fixate on your eyes. I'll have a strong sucking response and watch your face while nursing. Though I may display a variety of emotions, including anger and sadness, I'll seem "normal" and glow with enthusiasm for life. Do you hear a baby crying? That's me! I'm just telling you that I want to get started on our bonding cycle right now! Love,
Symptoms of
unattachment 1.)
ABNORMAL CRYING PATTERNS -- very weak or very rageful crying, crying
without tears, or constant whining. Helping
Baby Bond TOUCH -- Each time I am held, I experience the sense of touch. When I cry, I learn that someone will respond by picking me up to investigate my need. When my diaper is changed, my sense of touch is relieved from irritability. My discomfort after feeding is relieved by patting to help me burp. My need for emotional comfort is soothed by cuddling, patting, or rocking. I sense my parents' feeling of tension or relaxation through my sense of touch. SIGHT -- If I am held facing away from my parents, I am robbed of the eye contact I need. Studies show that very young babies prefer faces (especially their mother's face) over other visual stimulation. Hold me face-to-face to promote healthy bonding. HEARING -- I need a balance of quiet time and auditory stimulation. I need quite time for rest, but I also need my parents to talk to me. I enjoy hearing my parents' voices when they read or sing. TASTE -- Taste is stimulated when I am fed. I begin to associate relief from hunger with my sense of taste. Feeding time is an especially important time for me to be touched and nurtured. If I am left alone to eat or with a bottle propped up on a pillow, I might not understand that my parents are involved in my relief from hunger. Since I need food to live, holding me will help me understand that I can trust my parents to provide my needs. SMELL -- The smell of dirty diapers and soured milk is just as offensive to me as it is to adults. I use my sense of smill to help me identify people and places. To learn that my environment is a safe and pleasant place, I need clean, fresh aromas. |
