Don’t dumb it down to snag a guy

Recently, it was reported that Millionaire Matchmaker Patti Stanger’s advice was to “dumb it down” if you wanted to snag your man.  Really?  Is this what fabulous, intelligent women are reduced to these days….games?

Ya, I’m gonna pass on the millionaire, Patti, especially if he’s looking for a vacuous bimbette to serve as arm candy.

And gentlemen, I would be surprised if you weren’t questioning this as well.  If you’re going to spend the next 20, 30 or 40 years with someone, wouldn’t you like to have an intelligent conversation once in awhile?

FULL DISCLOSURE:  On my path to finding my perfect partner, on many occasions I thought, “What am I doing wrong?” In sheer frustration, I’m pretty sure I might have tried something as ridiculous as dumbing it down.

Fortunately, it dawned on me right around my 40th birthday.

I wasn’t truly open to love; I was way too comfy and safe in my stylish little condo built for one.  I had a successful consulting business, travel, great friends and family.   The walls had gone up and even though I paid lip service to wanting true love, I really kept it at bay.

We’ve all heard that amazing Marianne Williamson quote, “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.”

And fearful I was.  I was playing small and safe in my little cocoon.


Intelligent ladies, I challenge you.

I challenge you to check in and ask yourself if you are playing small.  What is it that you truly want?

I think after a while so many of us start to think, “I’m just going to be happy being by myself,” or “I had my one true love; that’s it for me.”  And for those who are married to “the job,” let’s really think about that.  Is the job going to come and visit you in the hospital when you’re 80?  Ah, no!!!

And, you know, if you really are happy, then that’s cool.  I do believe that it’s possible.  But if you’re holding back out of safety, I challenge you to break free and really go for it.

LETTING GO:  One of the final steps in my own journey was letting go.  My girlfriend, Kris, was at the end of a harrowing divorce and she came up from Minnesota to join me at the lake for a chick’s weekend.  We drank wine, made fabulous dinners and went out dancing every night.  Our mantra was to have a great time with no attachments, to let go of old patterns.  

So even though we were surrounded all weekend on the dance floor by a basketball team (a.k.a. The Tall Boys), we’d leave the bar by ourselves laughing all the way home.  We never once thought, “I wonder if that guy likes me?”  We stuck to the mantra despite an abundance of opportunity.

At the end of the weekend, we went down to the beach with a piece of paper, pen and barbeque lighter in hand.  At sunset, we sat and wrote out what we wanted to let go of in our lives.  A couple of the things on my list were “the comfort of being single” and “playing small in my life.” When our lists were done, we held a little ceremony, dug a hole in the sand, and burnt them.

GAME CHANGER:  Once I gave myself permission to be the best version of me (intelligence and all) and to truly be open to love, I was liberated.

Two weeks later, I met my husband, John.  

Did I marry a millionaire?  

No, I didn’t.  But I’ll tell you what, I feel like a million bucks every morning when I wake up and step into a life where I can be myself.  And when my husband looks at me with love and respect, well, that’s just sweet, sweet icing on the cake.


About the author:  Jane Atkinson is the author of The Frog Whisperer:  A 3-Step Approach to Finding Lasting Love.  For more information go to: